Wednesday Weigh In - April 20, 2016

This is going to be a quick post for me to "come clean" about my weight, and start fresh, today, after a lightbulb moment or two yesterday.  (I've been super busy at work, but I'm hoping you'll see a fun post recaping my half in Knoxville soon.)

Over the past two months, I've really been struggling with my weight.  The scale has actually creeped up to a number I hoped I'd never see again.  Throughout my training and subsequent marathon, I maintained around 143-145 pounds, and I was okay with that.  In the month after the marathon, my weight would occasionally go up a couple pounds above 145 after an indulgence, but I would get back to my plan and it would come back down.

But in the last two months, I have had a really hard time, and I have seen the scale creep higher and higher, as high as 151 pounds.  I never thought after losing 50 pounds four years ago that I would ever see 150 on the scale again.  The 140's isn't as low as I'd like, but to me, 150 is a sign to me that I'm really off track.

Yesterday, I had to drive to a meeting for work, and I had a lot of time in the car to think.  As I reflected, I realized that the last two months have not only been a struggle with weight, but this has coincided with a really difficult period in my life.  A person who had been my very best friend, at work and outside of work, is not who I thought she was for all these years.  This person who I had confided in and trusted for over six years showed her true colors overnight, and I quickly realized she was not the person I thought she was, and she was certainly not my friend.

Not only did I lose who I thought was a very close friend, but this person is still trying to sabatage me at work, even though she is no longer employed there.  I have tried to take the high road and let it go.  I thought that I was over it, but I realized yesterday that I am still upset and hurt and letting her stay in my life by not truly moving on.  

I am an emotional eater from way back, so when the timing of my weight gain and this situation dawned on my yesterday, I got mad.  I am allowing her to have a negative affect in my life still.  While I have been professional at work and refused to sink to her level, in my heart, I have allowed her to take residence, with her negative, hateful words and actions, and it has affected how I live my life.

I share this now for two reasons.  First, I do believe that what we look like on the outside can truly reflect what is going on inside of us.  For me, eating emotionally has been a way of life since I was eight years old, and over the last four years, I had it under control for the most part, but clearly, it was still a habit hiding under the surface, waiting to rear its ugly head.  

Second, I wanted to make a statement that I am taking my body and mind back.  I am mad.  Outwardly, I've tried to take the high road and not share sink to this person's level, but that left me eating my feelings, gaining weight, and feeling miserable.  I am not going to change my behavior and seek "revenge" on her at work; however, I am NOT going to let her spend one more minute in my heart or head either.

So today, I'm putting it all out there.  My weight this morning was 150.2.  My short term goal is to lose these extra pounds and get back to my "maintenance range" of 143-145.  My long term goal is to lose at least 10-15 more pounds, but preferably, my goal weight would be under 120, since that's where my BMI is considered "healthy."

Thanks for listening!  Have a great week!

What's new?

As has happened several times in my blogging history, I am coming back from a several month hiatus from blogging.  I honestly don't know why I stayed away this time - initially it might have just been about time, and there's always that nagging feeling that I don't have anything interesting to say.

But here's a quick recap of what's been up with me since my last post in NOVEMBER!!

First, and most importantly...

I am a marathoner!!  I completed the Walt Disney World Marathon in January, and am so happy I took on this challenge.  The experience was wonderful, and painful, but mostly wonderful.  My amazing husband ran with me, despite the fact that he can run a marathon much, much faster than me. He cheered me on when I was tired, and we jokingly would say "every mile is magic" every time I felt it was getting long, or hard.  I never wanted to finish anything so much in my life, and over those last miles, I decided this would definitely be a "bucket list - one and done" kind of thing.  It didn't take but a few hours for the pain to subside and the desire to run another marathon to rear its head.  In fact, in the first weeks after the marathon, I flirted with the idea of not just another marathon, but a 50K, because I felt the need to continue pushing the limits as a runner, and for a little while, I felt like "just" running half marathons would be weak and silly.

This is not the most flattering picture as I break into tears at the finish line, but I love it because I think it captures everything I was feeling.  And a few moments later...I was all smiles!

But the post-marathon swirl of emotions cleared, and I was back to training for my next half marathon, the Tom King Half in Nashville.  It was my third time to run this race, and my 20th half marathon.  I ran with my daughter, and didn't go into the race expecting to do anything but finish, even though my current PR was on this course in 2013.  However, it was a gorgeous day, and we had an amazingly perfect race, and I came within one minute of my PR.

I think I was channeling my inner marathoner by wearing the same skirt!

The last month, I've been sick and my training has suffered, and my monthly mileage for March was the least it's been since last June, before I started marathon training.  I have a half marathon on Sunday, in Knoxville, and I hope to have a good race, though given the last month, I know I'm not in PR shape.  

On the weight loss front, I managed to maintain my weight through marathon training (which I've heard can be difficult), but now I really want to focus again on weight loss, as I know even losing a few more pounds will help my running.  Other than my school's 5K on April 16, I don't have any other races on the calendar, so I am giving a run streak another go, to help with motivation.  I really want April to be another great mileage month, regaining whatever fitness I lost in March, and my goal is to lose 5 pounds.

Sorry for the LONG recap, but those are the highlights of the past 4 months or so.  I promise to blog more regularly from now on.  

Thanks for reading!

Run...Walk?!...Run

When I began my running journey four years ago, I started with the popular "Couch to 5K" program, which starts beginners out with a series of run/walk intervals where the run time increases gradually over about nine weeks until theoretically, the new runner could successfully finish a 5K with no walk breaks.  I remember vividly my first "real run" without walk breaks - the 20-minute run.  I thought that seemed like such a long time, and worried that I couldn't run the entire time, but I did.  With a feeling of triumph, I continued on and eventually, ran my first 5K without walking that spring, and so began my guiding principle that "runners don't walk."

I continued my training to increase my mileage, lose weight, and get faster, and slowly began running longer distances without walking as I trained for my first half marathon.  I found as I increased mileage beyond 10 miles, I would get tired and needed to walk a bit during the last 5K of the race.  As I had already run 5K and 10K races with no walking, running a half marathon without walking was my next goal.  

However, I randomly kept encountering information about Jeff Galloway and his Run Walk Run program, wherein runners incorporate planned walk breaks into a run from the very beginning.  To be honest, at the time, this felt like cheating or giving up to me.  I felt like until I could run 13.1 miles without a walk break, I was not a "real" half marathon "runner."

In the week leading up to my second half marathon, I got a terrible cold, but was determined NOT to back out of the race.  So, I decided to try the Galloway plan.  I figured out how to set my watch to intervals, and completed the entire race by running 2 minutes and 30 seconds and walking for 1 minute.  This race is still my half marathon PR.

Tom King Half Marathon, March - 2013

I was still not convinced and tried several more times to run an entire half marathon.  But after receiving Jeff Galloway's book "You Can Run a Marathon!" for Christmas and reading more about the plan, I decided to embrace it, and ran my second fastest half shortly thereafter.

Biggest Loser Half Marathon, December - 2013

When deciding to sign up for my first marathon, I researched many training plans.  I knew that 26.2 is a serious distance that requires a serious training plan.  I am admittedly very slow (that half PR I mentioned before is 2:49:31) and to be honest, with my work schedule and the time it takes me to complete a longer run, the only doable plan was Jeff Galloway's.  

I did/do worry that it is not enough.  It includes two weekday runs of 30 minutes, and a long run on the weekend.  I have tweaked it a bit, adding 2-3 days of walking as cross-training, and keeping my long run on the weekend at least 8 miles (on cutback weeks between really long runs, it goes down as low as 4 miles).  

So far, I feel as though it is working.  I am two months from the race and have completed three long runs over 13 miles (15, 17 and 20 miles) and have two more to go (23 and 26 miles).  I have been able to complete those three long runs without quitting or injury, and my recovery time has been quick, in my opinion.  (For those of you interested in details, my chosen intervals are Run 1:30 - Walk 0:30.  My long run pace is averaging 13:30 - 14:00 minutes/mile.  My most recent Magic Mile time is 10:12.)

The reason I'm posting all this now is that I feel as though Jeff Galloway and the Run Walk Run plan are common knowledge in the running community, for whatever reason, I have not found many people that have shared their experiences with training and racing this way.  There are quick mentions of it here and there, but I was really looking for details of how people felt it worked for them - reassurance, if you will.

So, for what it's worth, I will be sharing my thoughts on my training and components of the Run Walk Run plan over the next few months.  Perhaps it may help someone who is considering using this method.

As I mentioned in my last post, I'm finally embracing the fact that I am a runner.  While I really admire those runners who are able to run 10+ miles without walking a step, right now, that is not me, and I am okay with that.  I know some people out there would disagree with me (and that's okay) but I think that you can still be a runner and not be elite, or fast, or run the entire distance.  I know some gifted athletes out there can compete to win (or place) at a race, but those of us at the back of the pack, doing what works for us, finishing the race is an accomplishment, and we are still athletes.

I am a runner...

It's been about five months since I last blogged.  My decision to stop was fueled by the feeling that I still wasn't a "legit runner," and nothing I had to say would really benefit anyone but myself.  I know there are a million and one people out there who blog about running, and at that time, I didn't feel as though I could add anything unique or worthwhile to the blogosphere.

Over the course of the past five months, especially while running, a thought would enter my mind and I would think to myself, "I should blog about that!"  But I still didn't feel as though my thoughts about running were something worth sharing, so I kept them inside my head and continued on.

Last night, I did something completely out of my comfort zone.  I attended the Another Mother Runner book party at my local Fleet Feet.  By myself.  Other than my husband and kids, I do not have any local running friends, so this was a solo journey.

I entered the store, joining many other women who have been inspired by the AMR message.  These women were young, old, short, tall, of all shapes and sizes.  The AMR community represented that evening was a tapestry of strong women.  Though I had never met a soul present, somehow, we were all connected. 

I surveyed the store, not really sure of the agenda for the evening.  Most women seemed to be there with at least one friend, but I quickly discovered another woman who was also there solo.  We quickly introduced ourselves, found a seat, and easily talked for about 30 minutes or so.  A few other women joined our little group, and the conversation continued.  I never for one minute felt as though I didn't belong in that conversation among runners.  I belonged there.

Soon, Dimity McDowell, one half of the AMR duo, addressed the group.  Dimity spoke about the AMR mission, read from each of the three AMR books, and gave away some amazing door prizes (Saucony shoes, Soleus GPS Watches, etc.).  Finally, once she was done speaking, she welcomed the group to stop by the table for a picture or an autograph, and reminded us not to forget to pick up a swag bag before we left with goodies from Balega socks, GU, Nuun, Action Wipes, and SweatX detergent.

I had already purchased an AMR lifestyle tee (It's all good - I ran today) and a copy of the latest AMR book, "Tales from Another Mother Runner."  I got in line to chat with Dimity, get a picture, and ask her to sign my book.  When it was my turn, I was so excited to get to talk with her.  I thanked her for her podcasts, which frequently get me through my long runs.  When I listen to them, I feel like I am hanging out with friends - I laugh, I cry, I feel like I belong.  She asked me what I was training for, and I shared that I'm training for my first marathon, Disney 2016.  She asked how long my longest run had been so far.  I told her 20 miles, and she seemed surprised, asking how many more 20 milers I had planned.  I told her 2 more (23 and 26 according to the plan) and that I was following Jeff Galloway's training plan, and that he promised it would get me across the finish line in the upright position, and I hoped it would work.  She reassured me that it would and stepped away for a quick second, returning with a huge handful of GU and GU chomps, telling me she hoped they would help me get through those last two long runs.

Yes, I am really short, and Dimity is really tall. 

So appreciative of her kindness, I floated away with a goofy grin on my face.  I grabbed my swag bag, and met back up with my husband to drive home.  I talked his ear off on the hour long ride back home, so excited about the evening.  For two hours, I felt like I was a real runner.  I never felt as though I didn't belong there, or that somehow, my slow run-walk-run plan or the fact that I don't look like the women who grace the cover of Runner's World, disqualified me as a member of the AMR tribe. 

Upon reflecting on the evening, I realized that runners really do come in all shapes and sizes from all walks of life.  The woman who crosses the finish line first is not more of a runner than the one who crosses last - she's just faster.  I may always be closer to the back of the pack than the front, but that will never make me less of a runner.

And for that reason, from now on, when I do have one of those "blog-worthy thoughts," I will share them.  My thoughts may never be read by anyone, but maybe one or two people might stumble upon my words and be inspired.  Either way, I am okay.  I am a runner, and I am proud to be part of the running community.  Thanks, Dimity and all those AMR's out there for helping me feel like I belong.

Back to Reality

I can't believe it's been three weeks since I posted!  It has been a busy and stressful month for me, and I think every aspect of my life has been affected.

Running:

I have had really low mileage this month.  I have a half in two weeks, and I do not feel prepared.  On the plus side, I just ran a half a month ago, so hopefully, I haven't lost that much fitness, but I know it's not ideal.

I had every intention of completing the Runner's World Summer Run Streak, but I got a very painful eye infection from my contact lenses, and between that and long hours at work, I only ran on Monday and Tuesday this past week. 

Food/Weight:

I haven't been tracking my food for the past month.  That has resulted in a 3-4 pound gain.  If I continue this one pound a week gain, those pounds will add up quickly.  I need to stop this trend now.  

I've thought several times about joining Weight Watchers meetings, but with my work schedule, I'm afraid I would have a difficult time consistently attending meetings.  So for now, I'm going to stick with My Fitness Pal, starting back today.

In other news...

I bought a new running skirt!  I've been really looking for another skirt option, and decided to try Sparkle Skirts after reading quite a few reviews.  I have only run once in the skirt so far, and I liked it, but it was different because I'm not used to having that much leg exposed, lol.  I think it might take some getting used to.

Going forward:

Even though I spoiled the running streak, I am going to restart beginning today.  Yes, I've missed the last three days.  I could use that as an excuse to give up, or I can decide that I'm going to move forward and get back in my running shoes.  I choose the latter.  I will run a shorter run today, but I will get a decent long run in tomorrow in preparation for my half in June.  Then I will keep streaking!

With regards to food tracking, I am starting back to MFP today.  I am going to track my food everyday, and I am going to focus on living a healthy life.  If I lose weight as a result, fabulous!  If I continue to maintain in the mid 140's, as I have for the past several years, it is not the end of the world.  I can still run.  I can still be happy.  I can still be healthy.  I cannot, however, continue to gain weight.  I've worked too hard to get where I am to gain back the weight I lost.

Have a great weekend!

Have you ever had a slump with your running and/or healthy eating/weight loss?  What did you do to get past it?

Weigh in Wednesday #4 (and yes, I know it is Saturday)

Good morning!  My week of stress at work spilled over into a second week, so a Weigh In Wednesday post that actually got posted on Wednesday just didn't happen.

Despite the stress, I feel a little more hopeful and positive this week.  As I mentioned in my Weekly Chase post, I am taking a break from My Fitness Pal, and just trying to make healthier choices.  I've also given up taking allergy medicine to cope with my symptoms, because the run down, tired feeling that seems to be a side affect of the meds were just not worth the relief they provided.  I have also been striving to take my multivitamin this week.  I don't know if any of these strategies helped me deal better with my stress, but I felt better overall.

One of the problems this week was trying to fit in my workouts.  Working 12+ hour days, and trying to be a good mom, with all the responsibilities that go with that, just didn't give me the time to run.  So since the Country Music Half two weeks ago, I've only run once.  Part of me feels like a failure because of that, but another part of me feels like maybe I needed a little break, because I had been training non stop for half after half after half.  I have two more half marathons planned (one in June, one in July) and then, marathon training will begin.  So perhaps a little break was warranted.  Regardless, the break has to be over now, and I have to fit in at least one run during the week to keep up with my training plan.  

Here are my stats from last week:

Wednesday, 4/29 - 2398 calories - rest

Thursday, 4/30 - didn't count calories (and have not since this day) - rest

Friday, 5/1 - rest

Saturday, 5/2 - 3 mile run

Sunday, 5/3 - rest

Monday, 5/4 - 2 mile walk

Tuesday, 5/5 - rest

And the results of this past Wednesday's Weigh In:

Last week 4/29 - 146.6

Today 5/6 - 146.4

Net loss this week:  -0.2 pounds

Loss since restart:  -0.6 pounds

Total loss since November, 2011:  45.8 pounds

Considering the lack of exercise and lack of tracking, I consider this a win!  I noticed this week I paid attention more to my hunger cues than just eating by the clock.  For example, when I'm tracking, I eat lunch at 11:00 on the dot, and I cannot wait.  I also hit the fridge the moment I get home many times, and snack while I'm cooking dinner.  But this week, I wasn't hungry at 11:00, so I waited to eat until I was.  And a major win for me - I did not snack when I got home at all.  

Part of me feels a bit of anxiety about not tracking, and this morning, I confess, I almost started counting because I felt like I needed to start losing more quickly.  But after reflecting on the week, I haven't gained weight, and I have been less stressed about food, and clearly my habits have been better, so it's something I need to stick with, at least for now.

Thanks for reading, and for your putting up with my sporadic posts!

How are your weight and training goals going this week?

The Weekly Chase #27

Good Monday morning to you!  I hope everyone had a great weekend and is ready for the week ahead.  

I had a really hard week last week, and everything was affected.  My job is super stressful right now.  Hopefully it is just all this stress that is what is giving me daily headaches, and has me feeling generally run down and exhausted all the time.  In fact, yesterday I drove to the greenway to meet my husband for my long run and fell asleep in the car waiting for him.  When he got there, he told me I was in no shape to attempt a long run, and we went grocery shopping instead, and then I came home and took a nap.  Saturday was a good day though, and I got in a good three mile run on my new Hoka's, and I spent the day with my kids, which really helped my heart and my stress level.

Now it's the time of the week when I look back at last week's goals to reflect on how I did, in addition to setting goals for the week ahead, and I'm linking up with Mindy at Road Runner Girl for The Weekly Chase.

Here's a recap of last week's goals:

1.  Continue to log all of my food with My Fitness Pal.  Nope!  I only logged all my food for one day last week.  With the stress at work, and how I was feeling, counting calories was just one more thing, and I just didn't get it done.

2.  Follow my training plan, and average 10,000 steps a day.  (I'm trying a new training plan for my June half, and I really want to stick with it this time.  It will definitely be a challenge until school is out for the summer, because my time is very limited.  In fact, this week, I have two evening meetings in addition to my regular workday, which greatly limits my training time.  But I want to make it work regardless.)  This also added stress to my week.  I jumped into a new difficult training plan, which increased my run days from 3 to 5, and greatly increased my mileage.  It was unrealistic, to say the least.  I have re-evaluated and realize that until I can get this stress and my body back in check, I should stick with what I know I can do.  

3.  Finalize my lesson plans for the rest of the year.  (In three weeks, I'll be chaperoning a class trip for the whole week, and I will have a sub finishing up the final week of classes for me.  I want to get everything ready so that I'm not scrambling at the last minute.)  Nope!  Failure all the way around for me!  Lots of unexpected stress at work took my time and I am not ready for the rest of the year.  The classes I teach are the one part of sanity and happiness in my workday, so this is not something I am willing to give up, even though this week, stress and time demands worked against me.

And here are my goals for this week:

I'm changing it up this week, in hopes that I can feel better physically, mentally, and spiritually.

1.  Take a multivitamin everyday.  I don't think this can hurt.  It may not be a cure-all, but perhaps it will help.

2.  No soda.  Drink water or unsweetened tea, but mostly water.  I don't drink much soda, but sometimes when I get stressed at work, I hit the vending machine for a diet dr. pepper.  I know that soda is not the proper fuel for my body, and again, this isn't a cure all, but it can't hurt.

3.  Take a (planned) break from My Fitness Pal, but focus on healthier choices.  Counting calories is an added stress for me right now, and I think I need to take a break.  I know that technically I haven't counted 6 of the last 7 days, but those were days where I started counting in the morning and by lunch I had given up.  I will not be giving up or throwing in the towel to eat whatever.  I am focusing on healthy choices, without logging every calorie.

4.  Follow my (old) training plan.  This week on my old plan calls for two 30-45 mile runs this week, and an 8 mile long run this weekend, in addition to three days of cross-training (I usually walk to get this in.)  My goal is to feel well enough to make this happen, and not worry about doing more just yet.  

That's all for this week.  Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer, but I am being honest and real.  In the past, a week like I just had would have led me to take a break from blogging because I wouldn't want to publicly admit failure.  But failure is part of life sometimes, and I can't deny it just by only posting the good.

I hope you all have a good week and reach all of your goals!